Trapped in Myself
by Pockitachi
Summary: ONESHOT-Naruto explains his early life with a different goal. After all, how hard can the villiage pariah's life be wanting to be a girl instead?-ONESHOT Cross Dresser Naruto


Trapped in Myself

I do not own Naruto. This is just a side project, but if anyone wants me to make it a full blown story like my other one, review me and tell me so.

No one knows what it's like. They can see that my smile and joyous nature is a mask, but behind my mask, as my sensei once said, is another mask. My joy and my sorrow share but one thing. They both conceal the girl within the boy.

It started as a simple prank. I would turn into a girl, and expose people as the perverts they are so some people would have someone else to glare at. Who could've foresaw that I would find a strange pleasure in turning into a girl? I always had to steal clothes, as no one would sell me any, but I would always get clothes that no one would miss. But as I became aware of myself, I started getting more ambitious in my attempts to increase my wardrobe. I would steal pretty dresses, skirts, woman's underwear, anything to make myself look and feel... well, NOT male. I wanted to be a pretty girl, and sometimes I wouldn't even henge when I cross-dressed. But even that wasn't enough.

I soon found it pointless to look pretty, but not be seen or called pretty. I would henge into a girl, dress up, look pretty, and try to mingle. I soon learned that my social skills were less than desirable to be called pretty by boys. They didn't just want someone who looked nice, they wanted someone to verbally be in awe of them. I wanted guys to want me, and to do that I had to learn to be a girl instead of just looking like one.

I soon started spying on people. I would watch the interactions between guy and girls as they flirted. I would study the subtle movements of the girls as they talked, learned what each thing meant, and practiced at home. Soon, I got ready to put my discoveries to the test.

I made sure I looked my best for that night. I had everything perfect; makeup, clothes, hair, all of it the best from what I learned was wanted. When I got to town, my effort was instantly rewarded. The guys were swarming me, asking me out and stuff. I got all kinds of looks; lust, jealousy, envy, people either wanted to be me, or just wanted me. I got carried away, metaphorically and literally.

I've suppressed the memory, so I don't remember much, but I remember being scared. I don't know who it was, I never bothered asking guys their names as they never did so to me, but someone tried to force themselves on me. If it wasn't for an ANBU, I probably would have been raped. I couldn't see him, but I could have sworn I saw silver hair.

Some time later, I felt ready to tell someone how I felt, so I went to the third Hokage. He saw that I was nervous and asked me what was wrong.

"Umm... h-have you ever felt... d-different? Like, from other p-people, and stuff?" I asked, unsure of how I was to go about saying something like this.

The Hokage looked almost shocked, thinking I might have learned of my other secret, one I was unaware of at the time. "What do you mean, Naruto?" he asked.

"I... I'm not sure how to say this, but..." I looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze, and mumbled something incoherent. He asked me to speak up, and I mumbled again, only this time a bit louder. Again, I was asked to speak up.

It was barely a whisper, but he heard it for sure that time. "I feel like a girl trapped in a boys body."

He was surprised, obviously, but his face soon softened. "Naruto, my boy, you have no reason to fear," he said, making me think that maybe I wasn't as weird as I thought, "It's not but a phase. You will grow out of it in time and be a man amongst men."

My heart sunk. The person I trusted most saw my problem not as something turning me inside out, but as a mere PHASE! I was enraged, and saddened at the same time. I almost felt like ripping his throat out. "YOU KNOW NOTHING!" I yelled as I bolted out the door. I ran as fast as I could, not caring who got in my way, as I tried to leave my pain in the dust.

I lost count of how long I ran, or how many people I ran into, but eventually I stopped, though I was stopped by running into someone who get knocked over. Instead, he just looked at me and smiled... I think. It was hard to tell with the blue face mask he was wearing.

He asked if I was okay, and even helped me up. It wasn't something I was used to, and I even checked to see if I had somehow transformed while I was running. I was still a boy. I didn't know what to do. Only four people ever smiled at me, and one of them just lost my respect. If I was a girl, this would have been an easy situation to handle. Smile, look cute, and walk away.

"Is there a reason you were running," he asked, "or were you just burning through that excess energy boys your age seem to have?"

"I... I uh..." I stuttered, not knowing what to say. Again, I thought about how easy it would've been if I was a girl. Everything is easier when I'm a girl, so this wouldn't have been different.

"You know," he said, "I think I've seen you somewhere before."

I froze, thinking he know of my hobby. My mind was bracing itself for the worst. Criticism, violence, disgust. There was nothing I could do against a trained ninja. "Your in Umino Iruka's class in the Academy aren't you?" he said after a pause. I face-faulted. Part of me suspected that he knew what I was thinking, and just wanted to make me worry.

Uh, yeah. I'm in his class." I replied. I decided to put on my foremost mask. "The name's Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage! No autographs, please."

HE chuckled, and said, "You know, you remind me of someone." he said. He told me about a woman named Kushina. He told me how brash and loud she was, and how her loud behavior masked a lonely girl within herself. He said that her home was destroyed during a war, and that she fled to Konoha an orphan with no place to go.

"Did you love her?" I asked."

"No," he said, "I was a bit to young for her. She was actually my sensei's girlfriend, then later his wife."

I asked him if I could meet her, but he shook his head. He said that she died during the Kyubi attack, along with her husband.

After some silence, Kakashi decided it was time for him to go home. We said goodbye, and just as I was about to leave myself, he turned around and told me something I would never forget. "My sensei once said that to a ninja must look beneath the surface, but to truly see something for what it is, one must look even deeper than that. A person is more than a mask and a truth, but multiple layers that all contain someone's true reality."

The following day, I decided to try something different. Though I passed it off as a mere prank afterwards, I still wish I had more courage then. After all, it's not every day the class clown and village pariah goes to class wearing a dress.

**[A/N] **As said up top, if ya want me to turn this into a full blown story, let me know. Also, if you haven't already, please read my other story, Saitama no Kitsune, and review that. Please, no flames. If you have an unbridaled hatred for anything remotely gender bender, then why the fuck did you read this in the first place? Either way, please tell me what you think, unless you hate it for a personal reason, and tell me if ya want more.

K, thx, bye!


End file.
